sometimes i think gravity is a pity

When I look back at the event I pulled off last weekend, it's really hard to believe. When I was reaching out to various agencies in November, I was intending to plan for 2024. I certainly didn't expect one agency to respond that the author they represent was already going to be in our state in February, and she was open to tacking an extra day onto her visit to speak at our public garden!!

Our institution really isn't set up for hosting big speakers, so I practically built the process from scratch in less than four months. From convincing the CEO/President, to communicating with agents, to coordinating a room reservation, to working with Marketing on publicity, to finding a sponsor, to testing the AV, to planning a pre-talk luncheon for community leaders, to coordinating scholarship tickets, to working with Retail to get copies of the book, to writing an professional introduction, to coordinating transportation, to assisting the author when she arrived, to making a recording for staff, to invoicing, etc. etc. etc... I don't want to say I did it all, because no one at a non-profit works in a vacuum. (But I kind of did it all.)

In the end, we had 130 people in the room to hear Carolyn Finney, author of Black Faces, White Spaces: Reimagining the Relationship of African Americans to the Great Outdoors. And many of them were first-time attendees of a class/program at our institution!

I'm really proud of myself! I'm also really tired. It's been three days, and I still feel like I haven't fully recovered. On the one hand, it makes perfect sense. You don't run (at times literally) on a single granola bar for an entire day and then feel great the morning after... But I wish I felt energized by the atmosphere and inspired to do more. Sadly, I really wasn't able to absorb any of the intellectual joys of hosting an author I admire because I was too busy running to grab extra chairs and all that. I didn't even get to say hello to my parents, who had driven 3 hours to support my efforts.

Okay, okay, okay... but what matters is the community, and I've only heard good things! We sold over 70 copies of her book, which is amazing and really important (should be required) reading! My old director (the one who laid me off during the pandemic lol) was there, and she got to see me thriving and pulling off miracles. And my new director and all of Leadership Team (our equivalent of C-level management) was mega impressed. So I'd love it if my brain would let me be happy about it! Or relax for a minute! Because it's over! And I did it!

(It is truly too much to ask.)

I realized the other day that part of the reason I've been so antsy and tired is that my Mohs surgery is tomorrow. I hadn't forgotten, but I hadn't had time to dwell on it until the Carolyn Finney event was over. It's not an intensive surgery in the sense that I'll be incapacitated, but I'm still anxious. I think I've done the best I can do. I bought some groceries and care supplies, changed my sheets and washed my purple plush blanket, and spent some time at the ice rink as a treat... I even asked friends to send me letters to give me something to look forward to, and my friend H sent the best thing!!

It's not often someone speaks my love language so directly back at me. I really try not to let myself think of Jiang Cheng as cute or delightful, but these stickers (perhaps because they were so thoughtful and came when I needed them) really pulled at my heartstrings. I mean, look at how little he is!! I'm besotted! I have them next to my bed, and I might even bring them with me in my fanny pack tomorrow to look at while I'm waiting, ahahaha.

Anyway, fingers crossed and here's hoping the surgery goes quickly, and I don't have to go in for too many rounds before they find clear margins. I'm not sure I have it in me for a 4-6 hour experience...

Okay, this is it. I'm (tentatively) committing to Dreamwidth again. There's something comforting about seeing the little icon I pilfered from my old LiveJournal, from a manga series I doubt anyone remembers, although it did have a little resurgence a few years ago because the author finally finished it and they released a couple of movies to wrap it up. I half-heartedly watched the movies in 2020, but there were too many new characters that I didn't care about, and, hey, there were already so many Shinsengumi members to keep track of, anyway! But, about a week ago, I started reading the final manga chapters, and I did start to cry.

There are so many iterations of Okita Souji out there, but this is the one I connected to the most, and you really get to see him die. It's both amazing closure and also something I didn't expect to be so painful... I mean, I'm pretty sure I watched a series where Okita turns into a vampire or some shit. For all the Peacemaker series dabbled in the supernatural, the way they handled his death was so visceral and human.

And all of this was inspired because I was watching Ouran High School Host Club while I was embroidering some gifts for people, and they had a Shinsengumi cosplay that really did not have to call high-school-me out like that! It's true! Apparently, I'm still a real maniac!





Anyway, speaking of embroidery, I think I've only completed three projects this year. I finished Cao Weining in February, and then I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything else until the Eastern helmock and Virginia opossum minis I made last month. I've been working on a new fandom project the past few days, just in time for Twitter to burn and for me to have nowhere to share it...

Well, I suppose I've been fairly spoiled since I started my account. I remember the first Jiang Cheng I embroidered was when I only had one fandom friend, and I kept sending her, like, text updates throughout the day, and she kept encouraging me. I guess it might soon feel more like that again, or maybe I'll exclusively post finished things on Tumblr to avoid spending too much time there but to still get some dopamine out of my hard work... We'll have to see how I feel. (Tumblr was a Bad Era in the History of Jen,)

In any case! What makes me most excited about finishing this new project is that I can finally do that "your skill in 2020 vs. 2022" meme I've seen fiber artists posting online. I could always use Cao Weining...but (as much as it pains me to say it) there are some flaws in the stitching that I find hard to look at. And I just think it would be really cool to be like "Faceless Jiang Cheng 2020" BAM "Yu Ziyuan + Irises 2022".

Look at me, already dreaming big...
 

( Pics behind cut.... )


Today was a nice day off, although I didn't do much! I woke up at 2am and couldn't fall back asleep, so I read a bit of fanfiction, made myself tea, listened to a podcast, and finally started reading MDZS vol. 3. I've been trying to finish A Thousand Ways to Pay Attention by Rebecca Schiller, but the way she imagines history has been driving me up a wall, so I'm glad I decided to put it down for something more entertaining.

This volume, in particular, includes the only chapters I've already read, so I'm excited to see a slightly more edited translation and also to relive Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian's youth/tortured adolescence. And Yu Ziyuan's in this volume, too. Truly, I am eating well tonight! (Metaphorically. I dropped most of the literal food I was cooking this afternoon.)

There were a few times on Twitter when I posted some thoughts about Jiang Cheng, and a wild stranger appeared to tell me I had poor reading comprehension and tried to school me in canon. I think maybe I took what they were saying too seriously, though. I've been telling people all along not to listen to anything I say because I have "poor media comprehension," but I'm beginning to think those strangers were just being mean, because I'm reading the actual novel now, and, your honor, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian love each other. So much.

And I don't think I'm dumb for saying it!