hatpinvigilante | a brave little toaster (Reply)

WELL. I suppose it's probably a good thing that I didn't realize DreamWidth doesn't save post drafts. I started a post a few days ago about living without Oliver, but it's, like... I don't even know what to say about it. I think I was getting somewhere... about how I feel his absence in every door I realize I don't have to close, or every wrapper I find myself hiding, but it's not in any tangible way. I keep touching the fur I took home and his little bow tie, trying to conjure some memory of what it felt to share my life with him, but I can't, and that kind of scares me. Like, at what point do I become completely hollow?

BUT. All of that disappeared when I closed the window, and I can't even seem to bring those feelings back either, so I guess onwards we go, to the land of bullet points, because that's apparently all I can manage.

I am newly obsessed with Woo Dohwan. Did we see it coming? Absolutely not. Should we have? Y-yeah. Probably. He is beautiful. He is weird. He is soft. He has a freckle on his nose. He cries really beautifully and makes the most wonderful sad little noises. I just. I am not used to being this feral. I want to eat him up and lick the crumbs off my fingers. Ahh.
I can't stop watching K-Dramas (see above). My favorite so far is My Country: The New Age, which has major Chengxian vibes, but, like, elevated and deepened and fulfilled. These two fuckers carved me out, and I'll never be the same emotionally. I also really enjoyed Mad Dog despite the copious amount of corny dog puns and really bad German. It's a great story of trauma and found family, and I think the character development was well-paced. Who knew life insurance was so exciting!
I'm taking a writing class, and our first assignment was to write a list story. I tried to explore a relationship from meet-cute to divorce through a list of the things they might have named their children. I really like the idea of a list story, but I think I ultimately failed in execution, which is such a bummer. I got too distracted, adding details and trying to develop characters for the main couple, that I lost the original structure of the list. So I'm kind of disappointed in myself, and it's really hard to share it with the class knowing I didn't do a good job. But I did it anyway. Because I'm a brave little toaster.
I accidentally deleted my Tumblr account as I was trying to cull old side accounts and unfollow people from college, which ironically created the opposite problem on the new account I had to create. Now I'm only following one person, because I don't remember anyone's username, and I feel like it's sooo weird if I use Tumblr to talk about or share anything, because it's like I'm sending it directly to them... Which. The whole point of posting art/writing/whatever on social media is because I'm too chickenshit to share it directly with friends! Like, yes I will get sad when my friends don't see what I post, but to ask for feedback in an emotionally-mature and direct way? What? I could never!